Satire: NASA “Finds” Faraway Planet That Could Sustain Life; Biden Already Poised To Offer Them Citizenship

Kidsada Manchinda /
Kidsada Manchinda /

Just in time for September 11th, the American government and NASA are giving us an entirely new illegal alien to fear, and President Biden is already racing to tell people to embrace it.

Identified as an exoplanet titled K2-18 b, researchers say it is over eight times the size of the Earth and potentially has a hydrogen-rich atmosphere and an ocean-covered surface. Orbiting the K2-18 dwarf star, it is in the hospitable zone, measures 8.6 times the size of the Earth, and is over 120 light-years away from the Leo constellation.

Studied with NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope, researchers are confident of their findings.

The University of Cambridge is excited about these findings, especially since nothing else like it has been found in our Solar System. Seeing a new, potentially hospitable planet in our Universe is something many researchers had wildly dreamed of but never expected to discover. As researchers look into the planet, they are seeing more and more signs of potential life. With NASA noting an abundance of methane and carbon dioxide as well as a shortage of ammonia, they see strong signs life could exist.

Despite no proof that life of any intelligence level has been discovered on the planet, President Joe Biden is already making plans for their arrival.

“It’s time to welcome the people – well beings, from K2-18 b. Or as we have affectionately dubbed the planet “Bidenville.” As we know they will ultimately be as excited as we are about the possibility of our planets exchanging so many ideas and cultures, I am already ready to welcome the “Bidenvillians” to Earth and the US specifically. We are staffing an agency to ensure their transition to our planet will be as seamless as possible. With a $500,000 per being stipend already being earmarked for safekeeping in Ukraine, we are ready whenever they show up.”

Biden’s not ready to simply welcome them with money, either.

“That’s right. We are going to be providing them with housing, a vehicle, and clothing to ensure they are ready to adjust to being with everyday Americans. This means they will be handed everything to be successful here. Even if they don’t have the skills we need, we will assimilate them. Part of that assimilation is citizenship. From the moment they arrive on Earth, they will be granted US citizenship automatically. That means if they land in Japan, they will be US citizens. Saudi Arabia, New Zealand, or Puerto Rico. It makes no difference to me, or to this administration.”

When reporters reminded him that since Puerto Rico was a part of the US, they would be landing in America, but he snapped back that their lack of Presidential voting rights makes them as American as Guam, so it’s not the same.

Now the Commander in Confusion has drawn the line in the sand. Much like with the illegals flooding our southern border, he is looking for any excuse and any way to jam-pack the voting pool with as many potential Democrat voters as he can find. This isn’t the American way, and it’s certainly not what our forefathers fought and died for.

As it stands, we have a path to citizenship, but it’s not written for people from other countries. A small challenge it may seem, but it’s horrifically difficult for many to contend with. This is unchecked territory, and without a Republican-led plan in place, Biden will likely be playing out this exact scenario depicted here.

While the quotes are Satirical, the discovery of K2-18 b is real. As is the evidence that it could support life and that it likely has water on it. Only Biden’s reactions aren’t true. Granted, to be fair, many of his true quotes or reactions these days aren’t real either. Instead, they are simply bad jokes perpetrated on the American people, with all of us paying the cost as a punchline. Dementia is real, and it’s currently driving the damn nation. God help us all.